Norm Mcdonald Dont You Know About Life?

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• Norm Macdonald : LSD, that was near the strongest drug I ever did - acid. I don't know if yous've ever washed acid, but... When I was immature, they would tell me, "Y'all have got to be conscientious with that acid, on account of you can do information technology," and then yous take a flashback. Like, x years could laissez passer, 20 years could pass, "and then you get a flashback." So I thought, "Well, that sounds like a good deal," you know? I went to my drug dealer Frank. I said, "Frank..." is at that place a drug on the market where I pay yous $5... I take the drug, I get high, "and and then, 20 years later, I get high again?" He said yep. And I call back of myself as somebody who's adept at stretching his drug dollar. But the bespeak of the whole matter is for me to tell you young folk... that it's not... it's not truthful at all, you know? Because I have not done LSD since I was a teenager. Ten years have passed, 20 years have passed. Sadly, xxx years accept passed. And still... no flash... What a gyp that turned out to be. I... Simply more horseshit by the big acrid companies if you lot ask me.

• Norm Macdonald : In that location's just 1 country that frightens me - that'south the country of Frg. I don't know if you lot guys are students of history or not, just... For those of you who aren't, Germany, in the previous century - in the early part... they decided to go to war. And who did they cull to go to war with? The world. And then you think that would last about five seconds and the globe would fucking win, and that would exist that. Only information technology was actually close. And and then... I don't know how that worked, simply... And so xxx years pass, and Germany decides to get to war again. And, once again, they cull as their foe... the world! And now... this time, they actually almost win. So at this point you would call up the world would become, "Germany, you're fucking non a state whatever more than, all correct?" "What the fuck?" "You're not a state because you proceed going to war with the globe," and... no 1 does... "What do y'all think you are, Mars?" "Do you retrieve you're Mars or something?"

• Norm Macdonald : There was a dog in history who loved Hitler more than anyone. He would wake upward in the morn and get, "Where'south Hitler?" Y'all know? And Göring, or somebody, would become, "He's not here. He's doing some evil stuff." "I've explained to you, he spends most of his time doing evil stuff. Y'all can't see him that ofttimes." He goes, "OK. Yeah, I know." I'one thousand not trying to... Listen, Göring, I love you, you lot know? I love Mengele, I love everybody. All you guys are the greatest. "Merely it's just Hitler is the greatest man who's ever lived." This is why we ask that yous don't use recording devices. Just... I don't want to be with fucking Harvey Levin tomorrow or something. "Did y'all say Hitler was the greatest?" And what would exist my fucking respond? I would go, "No, information technology was a dog." That wouldn't piece of work. I would be fucked.

• Norm Macdonald : I'll tell y'all the simply thing I know for a fact, and it'due south something that nosotros all know. Everybody knows it, but it'south harder to act on it, it is. Merely the only really true thing is that... we all must love each other. And it'south very hard, y'all know? It'southward very, very difficult.

• Norm Macdonald : When people commit suicide, no one e'er understands. You know what I mean? People commit suicide and people go, "I don't understand why," and I get, "You don't?" "What, practise you lot live in a cotton-candy house or something? What the fuck?" "Yous don't know about life?" "How it just disappoints and... gets worse and worse, until it ends in a ending?"

• Norm Macdonald : It's the kind of practical joke that gets you raped by the devil for all of time.

• Norm Macdonald : Do you think this would be funny, just as a practical joke, if you just wrote a suicide notation and merely blamed some random guy?

• Norm Macdonald : When I go to parties, I don't desire serious discussions. I try to find somebody that is at my aforementioned level. And I'one thousand good at it. I can... Like, you know how they say guys take gaydar - they tin see other gay people? I'thousand like that with guys at my same level of smartness. Similar, I can meet a guy in the corner and go, "I can go along up with that motherfucker right in that location." And then I make a beeline for that character. And then nosotros talk about Jughead comics for a couple of hours...

• Norm Macdonald : It'south no coincidence that the rope store and the rickety-stool store are e'er right abreast each other.

• [repeated line]

  Norm Macdonald : I don't want to get political...

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6878486/characters/nm0005172

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